He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Floor bacon is actually really good
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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