well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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