You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
