GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My balls are so social today.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
