i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
