I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
