I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
