So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All the doctor said was why
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
