Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
