Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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