The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
