i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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