Can Purell be used as lube?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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