Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
