I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
