she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
