They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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