I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
