first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
