you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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