I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
