i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
