I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
