WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just high enough for therapy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
