Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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