I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
