what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
