Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
