Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
