Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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