so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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