Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
