So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
