1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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