Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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