She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
