dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
