you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Randomize
