Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
