I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
