Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
