we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
