You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
