I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
