I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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