I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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