I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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