Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
