i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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