woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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