you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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