Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
