I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
