there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
